I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
