you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
