Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
