there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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