i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
