Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
