I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
