but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
