honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
