apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still dying that you shit outside
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
