When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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