the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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