i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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