i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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