hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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