I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize