i jhust puked up my retainher.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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