Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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