Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
