it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
