If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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