Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
