why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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