That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
