Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
