'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How does it feel to date your dad?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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