Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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