No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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