your parents love me but you hate me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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