Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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