Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize