Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
