Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
