Welp...herpes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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