Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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