What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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