Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
