After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
