I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize