just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
