Having a random hookup so left but love u
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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