oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at about main and main street
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
