I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
