tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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