I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
