Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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