Its about making memories worth repressing
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
