eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
