I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
