apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
