you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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