All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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