his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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