you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
