Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
