So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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