Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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