no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
