it hurts more in the daytime
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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