Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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