here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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