I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
