Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He passed out mid-signature
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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