u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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