I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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