Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize