omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
