she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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