scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I had your ass I would rule the world
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
