Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
there is glitter all over my balls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
