we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
