I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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