someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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