I'm gonna have a badass scar
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
