Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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