Do you still have your period?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you win again, gameday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
