I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize