I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
