I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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