She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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