smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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