Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
