like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
