He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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