Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
