I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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