The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sext me about skeletons
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
