Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She needs sedatives and a leash
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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