I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
