Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
