I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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