so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
