Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
