Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
