god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize