Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
