dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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