I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
