Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize