How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
