I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
