it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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