People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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