maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
