I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't make any sense
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