do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
