i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
