I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
