One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
