I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
